Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
