she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
