No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
