fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
