my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
