pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
