my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
