I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
