Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
