ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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