She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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