I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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