Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
