I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
