Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
