we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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