I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
