he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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