Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
