Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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