This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
