That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
