Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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