I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
