Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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