I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
