get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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