There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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