Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
