I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
