I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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