wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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