Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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