So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
