it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
