I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
