What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
