Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish i was in the wii world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
