i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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