wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
