he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
