I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
