Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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