youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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