thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
