My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
