That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
