did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
