broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
