i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
