So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
