We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
