Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
