Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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