Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
